Brawlers
by Rorre
Summary: When the Veterans mysteriously dissapear, it's up to the Newcoming Brawlers to save Brawl's character roster before Brawl is rescheduled, AGAIN. Never to be continued. TO BE CONTINUED IN BRAWLERS: THE UPGRADE.
1. Prologue

This story is based on the TWELVE newcomers and other revealed fighters announced so far. DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY RUINED IT FOR YOURSELF AND DO NOT WISH TO. **I AM NOT LIABLE FOR YOUR NITPICKINGS BEYOND THIS POINT, K MANG!?**

**SPOILER  
SPOILER  
SPOILER  
SPOILER**

* * *

Chapter One:  
The First Chapter And Bankruptcy

Nintendo Offices were in an uproar. The giant object, a party ball loaded with active bob-ombs, collided with the surface of the building's side. A combination of the Hindenburg and 9/11 shattered the building complex, and Nintendo of America was consumed in a flurry of explosions, gasoline, and inferno.

_**--------------**_Days Later _**---------------**_

Mario stepped into what could be dubbed the remains of Shigeru Miyamoto's office. A balding man in a suave light green buisness dress sat in Miyamoto's chair, which was already a sign of hell oncoming.

"THIS is the one!" the man, Ikari Hyuoto, shouted with raised ferocity.

"Yes." Miyamoto choked on his own tears that had retreated from his eyes, and therefore the man's lecturing glare, and collected in his throat, "You see, from the past two games, many Bob-Ombs were dumped as runoff, which could have resulted in all-out nuclear war had we not...persay, DISPOSED of them. But the party ball crashing was not-"

"ALL-OUT NUCLEAR WAR DOSEN'T SELL GAMES!" the supervisor didn't notice the lung that sprang out of his widened mouth and scurried under the desk in fright.

"But-"

"GET OUT MIYAMOTO! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU IN THIS OFFICE, BUILDING, SUBSIDIARA, OR ZIP CODE AGAIN!!!!!!!AND GET HOSE DAMN MELEE AND SMASH CHARACTERS ON THE FIRST BUS TICKET TO VIDEOGAME DECONVERSION!!!!!!!!!"

Mario and his creator dashed out of the room. Seconds later, the supervisor's lung and appendix fled the room too. He collapsed, cold, onto Miyamoto's desk as his heart yanked out the blood veins attached to it.

_**--------------------------------------------**_ Brawl Mansion: Home Of The Newcoming Brawl Fighters _**------------------------------------------**_

"Hey Metaknight! Where's Mr. Videogame-sa!?" Wario mocked out loud.

Metaknight, flustering his magnificent dark purple cape, winged it around cool-like and walked up the steps to the observatory. Wario grunted, running into the kitchen and opening, and then slamming, the refrigerator door. Pokemon Trainer, who along with Snake and Lucas were eating their breakfast, turned to Wario in curiosity.

"Why did you slam the door? Refrigerators aren't cheap ya know! And Nintendo is paying for most of this. Don't forget that we're already suffering one paycut cause the American branch went bankrupt!" said Pokemon Trainer.

Wario shut the refrigerator again, this time softer and now with a clove of garlic in his hand, "I saw it on this show called JackSMASH last night. These guys were freezing their-"

"It's called Jack--- you fat idiot." Snake scoffed, staring idly at the bowl of milk-sogged AppleSnacks in front of him with spoon raised like a butter knife.

"WATEVER!" Wario walked off in his own self-adorned pride, spewing garlic gas around the house.

Lucas stirred his Honey Nut Cheerios and, with a quick clap of his hands, combusted it into a magical liquid fire. Snake cursed the children's food littered amongst the cupboards, and picked up the coffeemug to his right. He promptly spat it out in disgust.

"BLEH! EVEN THE COFFEE IS WET MUD WITH PEBBLES MIXED IN! # & $!# $ # $!$$!!!" Snake razzled off, crawling under the sink and into an unseen compartment that held a route through the entire house through the walls..

Elsewhere, in the TV/Living room; Diddy Kong, Sonic, Pit, King DeDeDe, and Zero Suit Samus sat on the couch, Diddy Kong and Pit wrestled over the remote as _Donkey Konga Bonga Bonanza Show_ and _Legend of Zelda The Animated Series_ switched across the screen.

"LINK IS HOMOSEXUAL!!!" Diddy yelled, fanging a paw into Pit's face.

"DONKEY KONG HAS NO RYTHMN! LINK HAS SAVED PRINCESS ZELDA TIME AND TIME AGAIN!!!" Pit defended his idol, stabbing an arror through Diddy's nose. The ape barely felt it and continued to struggle.

"Who says I need saving?" Sheik stepped in with a soda can in her right hand, plopping the chair not far from Samus.

"Who are you?" they all asked.

"Shhh!!!! If fans find out I'm not a new character for Brawl, BAD things will happen!" she hushed them.

Zero Samus leaned towards her, musingly. "Zelda, you can't POSSIBLY think dressing up as a man will get you anymore action than Jigglypuff..."

"She's just a little whore! Singing that song and knocking men unconscious! And besides-" Sheik leaned closer and nodded towards Ike who had just entered the room, Diddy and Pit's fight distracting the others, "The quietest are always the-"

"STOP IT YOU PRIMATE! YOU'RE RIPPING MY TOGA!!!" Pit yelled as his toga split down the middle. He grappled Diddy who's shirt had been shredded in the struggle and chucked him across the room into Sheik's lap. The woman under the mask shrieked, Diddy clapped happily before an irritating beeping sound emanated from her ankle. The whole room froze.

Suddenly, the door collapsed, and two men wearing agent suits busted in. Sheik sprinted up the stairs, and the agents kept in hot pursuit. Snake crawled out of the small hole in the wall and stood, caught in the center of DeDeDe, Diddy, Sonic, and Zero Suit Samus who all shrugged and turned their attention back to the television.

"Ike, my motion tracker just picked up a bad movie reference!" Snake said. Ike shrugged, and headed back into the basement.

"Sonic, you haven't said a word since your name was first mentioned?" Samus inducted him to the madness, an "apologetic" tone in her voice

The hedgehog shrugged.

"This is what happens when you speak in the fourth narrative. The humor, character development, and even creativity diminishes." Metaknight stepped down from the winding observatory steps/

"Hey Metaknight. Stick to the Kirby Transformations!"

"In case none of you have noticed, there IS no Kirby to transform. In fact, none of your former freinds and family exist anymore. The supervisor had them all...exercised by powers beyond our knowledge to endure tortures no being should ever experience-!"

**_--------- _In Hell _----------_**

Mario and Kirby faced each other in Mario DDR, Mario, of course, winning with a 600 point lead. Samus, Fox, and many others leaned in fetal position in the corner except for Luigi who had already been incinerated for his incompetence.

"I ROCK AT THIS GAME!!!" Mario stated the obvious, as the title character could not lose at all.

"Yee Hee!" Kirby cheered, being a creature with no "ears" so to speak.

Behind them all, Satan laughed as the Smashers would rehabilitated to badassness by Mario DDR. Ever since one of his imps had cowardly stole it from some angry video game nerd from Germany, it had become the most EFFICENTLY mindtearing torture device since Scientology. The fifth SONG made even his own blood curl within it's veins...

-_**------------------------------**_

"-All the while He has been distracting and utterly warping your actions with poorly executed sexual innuendo and red herrings."

"Okay. But what does that have to do with Sonic not speaking?" Diddy asked, scratching his butt.

"And what's the 'fourth narrative'!?" Wario butted in.

Metaknight shook his head, "Sonic is avoiding all talking until the next chapter. And the FOURTH PERSON PERSPECTIVE is when you all begin referring to yoursleves outside the regular context of fiction. When you recognize your life as nothing more than the bubbling imagination of a thirteen year old boy with megabytes of pornography hidden behind his WordPerfect screen. Why do you think that no one knows ANYTHING about us except that we are to be in Brawl other than those who enjoy our respective series?"

The entire room fell quiet with slumber, that is, until Wario began snoring with threads of garlic caught in his windpipe.

"You call this a cliffhanger!? THIS is how you end chapters?" Metaknight swore under his breath, pointing at the screen.

The chapter ended with no established plot.


	2. Would You Like Ketchup, With Your Fish?

Chapter Three:  
Stay Freezie

------------ Icicle Mountains -------------

Wario, MetaKnight, Zero Suit Samus, Solid Snake, and Sonic Hedgehog treaded the frozen mountains of Icicle Mountain. Wario had secretly coveted a patch of garlic onion in his bag, though soon enough Metaknight slashed it with his blade and let the garlic roll down the icy hills of the Mountain, a sobbing Wario in hot pursuit. They let him go, using his frantic chase to speed up their journey.

Suddenly, Snake froze in place, not literally of course, as an exclamation point marked his remembering of something.

"Wait...how did we get here?"

"Don't you remember?" Samus explained, "The Ice Climbers invited us to an game-warming party at their cavern estate in icicle mountains and every Smasher from the previous game is coming. KingDeDeDe and the others stayed home because they didn't have winter clothing or Wario's layers of fat to warm them..." she paused, "I think..."

"Metaknight. You're the ninja elephant here. What series of events led us here?" Snake asked.

Metaknight whirled his cape as he turn to them, "At the risk of a flashback, the last chapter had no plot and as such leaves us with no explanation as to why we are here."

"But I really WANTED to go a party!!!" Sonic whined his first few words.

"Go and see this party if you wish." He pointed to the Ice Climbers cavern estate just a couple of meters downward inside a steep ravine, "Discover your scripted epithany." Sonic and Snake took off, racing each other downhill.

Zero Samus stared at him skeptially, "What do you mean 'scripted'"

"He is manipulating your minds to perform actions probable to the liking of his viewing masters. Which is why in chapter 4 you will inevitably make Mario experience extreme pleasure. It is unavoidable."

"W-what do you mean!?" she said, eye twitching.

"Your mind is not free from the Context wall as mine is." Metaknight corkscrewed around, facing the direction of a nearby cliff.

"GUYS!! GUYS!!" Sonic shouted, racing up the hill.

"What is it?"

Sonic panted, gathering lost breath, "J-j..just wanted to tell you...pant...I just wanted to tell you that I won the race and Snake is a sore loser!"

Metaknight secretly drew his sword as Samus followed Sonic back inside. The two rolled in upon Snake who hid his tears behind a Kabuki facemask. Sonic crossed his arms, shook his head, and looked around for fellow party-goers. There was no one.

"Snake?" he sed apologetically.

The FOXHOUND pulled his melting face from it's burial in his arms and looked at the hedgehog.

Sonic's eyes decreased to proportions fit for a hearty-touchy scene, "Why do you have dried bird poop on your face?" Snake stood, slapped Sonic, and procceeded to lean silently against the wall with artist's convience silohoutting every part of his face except for his eyes, mullet, and jungle green headband.

"Where is everybody?" he said.

Samus shrugged, "We followed the directions down-pat. This IS their home."

"DUCK!!!" Metaknight latched onto Samus and shoved her down into the snow. A fireball cut overhead, impacting the surface of the Ice Climber's cavern and melting in the doorway. Far off in the distance and out of everyone' view except for Metaknight's, was a beast so devastantingly terrifying it could not be described by a thirteen-year old boy's imagination. Metaknight brought up his weapon.

"SONUVABITCH!!!" Everyone except for Samus and Metaknight screeched in shock.

"What the hell was that?" Sonic sed.

"Flee!" Metaknight ordered, wings extended, "I will deter this beast!" He leapt off the side of the cliff. The other brawlers obeyed his command, and took off in the direction of their house. Minutes later, a comically tearing Wario skidded down the snowy cliffs after them. It was impossible to make him out in the ball of snow he had formed, though this could be described as globs of snow sticking to the buoyancy of his fat.


	3. Romance Smells Like Cheese

Chapter Four:  
Extreme Pleasure

------------ Brawl Mansion, 10:03 AM -------------

Zero Suit Samus shedded the light blue skintight jumpsuit that, while protecting her from the extreme artic temperatures of Icicle Mountains, also pinched every square inch of her skin. It didn't make taking it off any easier, but a red bikini was better than enduring the Zero Suit blistering her skin for any longer. Being a clone of the series's main character wasn't so bad, but having to wear the increasingly painful skimpy outfits was not only an insult to her, but to women everywhere.

Tossing her Paralyzer handgun in her closet, Zero Samus unclothed and slipped into the shower, washing out the tormenting memory of her two days of imprisonment inside the jumpsuit with searing hot water that tickled in comparison.

In the adjacent room, Sonic brushed soon melting snow drift out of his quills and flipped on the television to CHAOTV, the newest program to reach the Nation's Top 10 Most Educationally Decadent Shows. He sneered, fell back onto his bed, and began to sleep. The only potentially good thing about moving into the Brawl Mansion for the upcoming Brawl was that he was miles away from Amy, Tails, Robotnik, and all the other insanity that enveloped his household. Perhaps, for once, the mansion would be quite for a day, and he would at last receive the last thing on his 2007 christmas list...a day of un-interrupted R&R.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Lucas and KingDeDeDe were having a thumb wrestling contest. It was soon interrupted as Wario came rolling down the stairs, inflated like a ballon with his belly button serving as the final line of defense for the mansion's residence.

"JUST WHAT IN KIRBY'S DEMISE HAPPENED HERE!?" Dedede shouted, smashing his hammer on the table in shock. Lucas jumped in his chair, as did the chair itself.

Pit soon came down the stairs, holding his sides in agonizing laughter.

"JUST WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE!" Dedede shouted again.

Pit, at last, sustained his laughter. He held up a half-blue, half-red pill labeled FOXHOUND with a warning mark in light print on the side, "I bet that he couldn't survive eating one of these FOXHOUND standard-issue diet food pills, and if he did, I would buy him a sports Mustang for over seven hundred dollars." Pit began to chuckle again, his tone dropping to a depressed spirit, "Guess he won.."

"E,.. g.. q...fas...Z...e..Gano.." Wario's words bounced off the interior of his voice box, none able to find their way up his throat.

"Tell me, where exactly do you intend to FIND seven hundred dollars?" Lucas asked.

"Well, my plan is to-"

_SLAM!_ The door heaved shut. Metaknight, blood sweating off his helmet and cape, walked in and opened the refrigerator. Everyone in the room stared as he grabbbed a carton of Lon Lon Milk, heated it, and headed upstairs with his cape dressed over his hand. Clone Samus drooped downstairs, covered in an ivory bathtowel and steaming with shower water.

"Did Metaknight just come in?" she asked.

Everyone nodded, questioning it themselves, before Ike entered also, a Disney World cap on his head. His sword was fitted with numerous ornaments skewered through their centers.

"Did someone just slam the door? he asked them, receiving the same silent nod.

Diddy stepped in too, a half-finished banana in his hand.

"Did I just-"

_SLAM!_ The door opened and slammed a second time. Mario propped himself against the doorway, his plumber clothes muddy and worn. Gasping for air, Diddy and Ike dropped under and helped him stand, blood seemed to circulate from every available vein.

They dropped him into the nearest chair, Diddy and Snake ran into the kitchen for medical supplies while Lucas checked the plumber to magically support his injuries. Mario tried to sustain his head, but surrendered in defeat as Lucas checked his scalp for bruises.

There was nothing. At least, no visible damage explanation for the plumber's extreme loss of blood.

"I can't seem to detect any..." Lucas pulled his hand back from behind Mario's neck, it looked as if paint had been smeared across his palm, "Serious...injuries..."

The boy pressed his hand to Mario's ear. Again, his hand pulled back to reveal double the amount of blood coating it. Lucas used an unknown chant spell to clean his hand and solidify the wounds, while Snake and Diddy entered with Mushrooms, antibotics, and stimulants. Snake, a master of urban combat and self-supplementation, swabbed Rubbing alcohol, a blue lotion, and dressings across his neck. Lucas depowered, the blood from Mario's ears swelled up against and ceased as the dressings blocked them. Despite what Snake admitted to be "skin-searing oxymoron" (no joking, the medicine was really called this), Mario didn't flinch. A silouhoutte holstered his closed eyelids, and whatever sat in the chair appeared dead and colorless. Even his hat seemed to drain of color.

"Is he...?" Samus bit the top of her pointer knuckle. Tears shook down her cheeks, as did most of them except for Snake.

Lucas shook his head, his eyes drooped with depression. Snake's analysis was no lighter, he lit up a cigarette and leaned away without even speaking. The entire mansion was quiet, the nerve of death tore at them. Mr. Videogame, himself, was dead...

* * *

---At The Hospital---

"Well, as it turns out, I now have an unknown form of cancer." Mario explained, the twelve others in the room hid an oversized sweatdrop behind their heads.

"Okay, re-explain this to me: You and all the old Veteran fighters were decommisioned to Hell to serve one hundred and seventeen years of endless torture, which somehow from Japan to America translated to Mario DDR, which is something that scares even the Devil himself. From there, everyone had to get a perfect score on the infinite mod, and you just so happened to escape while Satan was teaching Mewtwo how to sing _Crank That Superman_?"

Mario lowered his fruitcup, "Well, Yoshi got me to the Portal to Hell-"

**_---_FLASHBACK_---_**

"Yoshi, how could we POSSIBLY get up there?"

The Portal to Hell swished with reddened nexus energy. Flames spurted around it in unorthdox paradoxes of physiology, some even emerged from the thick, humid ar itself, sparked by some hellish magic. Jagged peaks scrambled up an invisible scarlet wall, though the possibly of attempting to climb it wasn't even contemplatable.

"Wa-Ha-wa-ha-wh--Ga-wah-wh--ag-hoo!" the green Yoshi chriped in it's own native tongue. Mario, somehow, nodded in agreement.

"You have some?" Yoshi held up a can of Redbull and chugged it.

Suddenly, a dual set of flower-like daffodils blossomed from the dinosaur's back. He squelched, the desired effect having failed.

"Let-a me try-a that." Mario chugged the red bull.

A set of dovey wings pushing upward and ascending sprung from the recess of Mario's red hat. The plumber hurtled upward, flipping unexpectedly, but regaining control as his N64 training kicked in. Yoshi squeaked for rescue.

"Im sorry Yoshi, but the cutscene flashback isn't letting me move!" Mario shrugged, watching as the flashback pulled him through Hell's Door and into a white abyss.

**---FLASHBACK OVER---**

"-and I can't remember what happened to him..."

"Yes you do. You left your dinosaur pet, who helped you survive the perilous terrain of Kong Island by eating most of the monsters, to suffer in hell for all eternity until eternity resets." Snake shoved the blame unto the plumber's shoulders.

Samus stepped in, "Look guys, the Smashers are trapped in Some Unknown Religion's Hell. And without a completed character roster, Brawl will be pushed back EVEN further-"

"So what? More downtime!" Wario pushed it off with a theater overtone.

"-Soooooo...If Brawl isn't released and we don't get to work, WE don't get paid!"

"Unlike you," Wario snuffed his nose, "I own a minigame company. I make MILLIONS every second! Why-" a beeping sound whirled inside Wario's pocket. He snatched out his cellphone, flipped it open and held it to his ear, "Hello?"

"Mr. Sakurai baby! Hey! You're at the factory! Great! Just put Mona or Jimmy T. on the phone and I'll get back to ya!" he did so, "Yeah, hotcakes, so what's Sakurai doing there? Wants to buy one of our games right? Hahahahah...what.?"

"..."

Wario dropped his phone.

"What is it?" asked Diddy.

Wario's lips flapped, no sound coming out. Snake analyzed this, "My FOXHOUND training included a lip-reading class."

"Well, go at it then." Lucas said.

"Well...from what I can make out..." a hand went to his chin, "Sakurai and his branch of Nintendo have bought out WarioWare Inc. for use as a Stage in Brawl. Which means in ADDITION to funding repairs for all the pre-game Brawling we'll be doing, if Brawl isn't released on time, on time, WarioWare Inc is property of Nintendo until further notice."

The whole room became silent.

"Dude...you just got kicked in the balls..." Ike taunted.

"Ike, your taunt is so gay." Pit jeered.

"This is coming from the sixteen year old wearing makeup and sporting fairy wings..." Ike retorted, exchainging homosexual insults as he, Pit, and the others left the room...

Samus remained.

"Samus?"

"No, Zero Suit Samus..." she corrected him, sitting in a chair near the bed, "I'm sorry this happened to all of you."

Mario put a hand to her chin, "Samus is all right."

Tears began to swelter from Zero Samus's eyes. Mario understood the bond they shared, like Peach and Daisy, even through genetics, the two were like sisters despite the Japanese-English name discrepancies.

"If there's anything I could do to help..."

"_Kokoro no naka ni furur ame wa mada shibaraku yamisou ni nai n' da_..." words fled the plumber's mouth.

Samus blinked thrice in surprise, words began to flow from her mouth as well, "_Kokyuu wo tototonoete mo_..."

The lights began to flicker, the likelihood of a citywide power surge. The generators would pick up the slack soon eough, though seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours. And hours became tender moments of excitement, happiness, and good will...

A blue light sparked in the darkness. A figure snickered to himself, running down the hallway with his IMAX Camera in hand.


	4. Interlude One

Interlude 1: Ike's Taunt Is So Gay

A white void of nothngness appeared before the thousands readers. Ike and Pit walked into the center, weapons holstered. Before they clashed however, the two turned and faced the screen, both giving sappy smiles.

"Hello all." Pit introduced.

"Welcome to the out-of-character lounge, where things outside the already out-of-contect fic occur. From here, we can manipulate things like in the Matrix, only more like a debug menu kind of." Ike unveiled a GCN Action Replay, the Debug Menu appeared to the right of him, "It is in THESE interludes, we get to be more adult and have more FUN with the virtual distinctness of our lives!"

"For instance!" Pit swiped the AR and pressed a button on it.

Zero Suit Samus, completely naked and in a frozen frame from the shower scene, stood frozen in midair in front of them. Pit stared possessedly at her her behind, though Ike shrugged it and swiped the AR Max back into his hands.

"Or like THIS!" Ike pressed another two buttons.

Link appeared, completely naked from a chapter not yet wirtten, with penis erected. Naked Samus vanished as the character palette became a naked man with a green cap on his sexy blond hair. Ike stared dazedly, not noticing as Pit stole the AR back and, with a quick switch, transformed Morning Wood Link into fully exposed Zelda.

"Pit, I have HAD it with your anti-homosexual homophobia!" Ike drew his sword.

"Uh-uh-uh. Remember, I have the AR." Pit flipped a switch, and a light immersed Ike.

When the Fire Emblem Swordsman emerged, however, he was no longer a swordsman. His two-handed blade and warrior's garb were gone.

Pit swung his hands mockingly, "Meet IKE, the busty swordswoman of the _Fire Emblem _series!"

"MY GOD!" Ike screamed in pure terror, "MY WATER JUST BROKE!"

"Whoops..." Pit stepped back, having incidentally gone too far...

"I WILL KILL YOU!!!" Ike lunged, crushing Paultena's angel boy under his oversized rack. The AR MAX slid away into the white background, beams of unaccounted for "glitches" sprang from it's execution matrix.

"P..a...u..l...a...t...en...a!" Pit's muffled voice prayed.

A light sparkled down a heavenly road, a woman draped in a white toga significantly more royal and festive than Pit's, a blue shield latched onto her arm, and a golden seal attached to her chest appeared. Her toga ceased it's magical updrafting flow as she touched the abyss.

"What is it, Captain of Thou Army?" she demanded, staring interestedly at the beast atop him. This female creature was vastly abnormal to the the things she'd seen before, and it's mammaries were mightier than even hers, a goddesses's. _What had Pit been up to during this "Character Confrimation" period?_

"Please..." Pit squeaked under the layers of breast that covered him, "Be merciful and remove this buxom demon from this dimension, or else thoust may lose most holy...knight!"

"Pit?" The goddesses's eyes were leaking with splendor, she spoke in a modest tone "You...you would bestow such a gift upon thy?"

"Please...take h...her...my fair lday..."

Paulatena radiated with happiness. Ike, realizing what was about to happen, scrambled off of Pit for escape, to no avail as Palutena's massive arm coiled around where his phallus should have been. His breasts drooped down, too big to fit in even Palutena's fist. The goddess smiled, patting her Army's Captain with her free hand and vanishing into the Nether. A whole NEW eternity of immortal pleasure awaited her...

"Well..." Pit struggled to stand, fighting the many broken bones in his body just to kneel, "That ends our first interlude."

He searched for the remote which had been all but crushed during the fight, buttons fizzeled and the power supply had been momentarily drained. He stared at it for a moment, gulped, and walked off-screen, silently renouncing the consequences of messing with reality and the possibility of anything having happened to the fanfic...


	5. Take A Deep Breath

Chapter Six:  
Glitches Of Consequence

------------ Outside Brawl Mansion, 6:22 PM -------------

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!!!?" DeDeDe yelled for the 43rd time.

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!?" Wario yelled back, "One second she was denying that she did it with Mario, and the next a lightning bolt came down and hit her."

The Brawler were awed. For whatever had caused it, despite weather forecasts declaring cloudless skies, Samus collapsed on the ground, spasming with electricity. Being the only one with any true 1st Responder experience, Snake scooped Clone Samus into his arms as Wario summoned his motorcycle, the Wario Chopper. They sped off in the direction of the hospital, with the others in pursuit. A white-haired man in a dark coat and boots to match studied the impossible even that had just happened, and leapt into the bushes as a police car passed.

--------At The Hospital, Mario/Samus's Room---------

The irony in of itself. The Brawlers gathered in the two-bedder room, watching mournfully at Samus who, unlike Mario, was unconscious and with a higher probability of not waking up. Wario, tears even managing to escape him, grabbed Mario by his hospital gown collar and belched in his face threateningly.

"You BANGED her too hard idiot!" Wario spat in the broken plumber's face, "Not ONLY have you managed to kill an innocent girl, YOU'RE CHEATING ON PEACH, DAISY, AND PAULINE!!!"

Mario was lost for words. Disgusted, Wario threw him back into his hospital bed. Metaknight, who had decided to attend this hospital mourning, patted Samus' hand and released it, jumping off of the brown desk table and onto the blue sheets.

"Has it not HIT any of you yet? Samus has been FATALLY injured, part two in a series of user-controlled events. She was the ONLY one with a will capable of escaping the context wall's hold on her, and she was taken out by Higher Powers! Is THIS what you want to happen to all of you? Count your blessing as long as I am able protect you all, Samus could have BEEN as lucky." away from the coldness in his words, tears were beginning to develop.

He shunned their foolishness, grasping Samus's hand and watching her defensively. The Brawlers collected into a social circle.

"Could all this talk about 'glitches' and 'other worlds' have been true?" Pit asked them all.

Wario detered it, "Forget all this otherworld mubo-jumbo. It's all MR FATASS's fault for (beep)ing her too hard!"

"Wario, enough with the sexual innuendo. We need to strategize here. There is obviously something VERY corrupt about Brawl's release. First of all the Vetrans were kidnapped." Lucas began.

"Yeah. Yeah. And then me, Samus's, Snake's, and Wario's memory of the last 5 hours before we headed to Icicle Mountain was zapped." Sonic seadded.

"Then Wario got blown up by one of my emergency food pills and somehow survived." Snake shot an angry glare at Pit.

"Then Mario came out of acoma with some undiscovered form of cancer." remembered Diddy.

"And just now, Samus was struck by freakish lightning." Pit examined, "Now, what could all this mean?"

Exclamation points popped up over everyone's heads.

"MASTER HAND!!!" they slapped their fists in unison.

"I don't know..." Wario questioned.

Lucas stopped him, "Come on, Wario. Certainly their couldn't be any consequnces to at least-"

"There are ALWAYS consequences!"

The group whirled around to the doorway. A man with ashy white hair stood there, an electric baton in his hand.


	6. Glitch One

Chapter Seven:  
The Jump Glitch

* * *

_Lucas stopped him, "Come on, Wario. Certainly their couldn't be any consequnces to at least-"_

_"There are ALWAYS consequences!"_

_The group whirled around to the doorway. A man with ashy white hair stood there, an electric baton in his hand._

* * *

"Who are you?" Pit raised his bow. 

"What I want to know is how Samus Aran, Age:21-" Snake rolled his eyes, had the man not realized this was but a clone?, "Blood Type: B Negative, was with a gang of random males, all-" he neglected to exclude Lucas and Sonic, "and is now in a hospital bed with the same men surrounding her?"

"Maybe we're her friends, and we saw her get into an accident?" Sonic commented.

"I just wanna ask you some questions." the man fowarded his baton.

"Then why did you break down the door?" Lucas pointed.

Wario lunged forward. The Wario Waft was initiated, although the man deflected it with a flick of his baton. Wario's eyes exploded out of their sockets as the gas infiltrated his nostrils, and the minigame director fell dead with his greedy legacy on his pudgy stomach.

The Brawlers cheered.

"This isn't over till' y'all answer my QUESTIONS!" the man kicked over Wario's decomposing corpse at them. Layers of fat and intestines spilled out, making Lucas faint.

"Lucas!" Pit cried, steadying an arrow. The arrow sped for the man's heart, but once again, he brushed it off with a wave of his baton, which replicated three arrows that redirected in his direction. Tearing into his toga, the force of the arrow's pinned the Angel boy to the floor. A fourth arrow catapulted over him, stopping in place and pointing down before violently stomping down on Pit's torso.

Diddy charged his Final Smash, the untested _Rocketbarrel Barrage_. A pair of wooden rocketbarrels, wooden barrel pistols, and a knapsack filled with peanuts appeared on the monkey's back. Diddy rocketed, for seconds he was actually managing to pull off a few good hits with his explosive peanuts, but the man countered this. With a flick of his magic baton (wink wink), Diddy's trouble had soon begun, and with a flick of the wrist he was flung like a rat, and into a wall with a loud SPLAT!

"You all suck." the man taunted, deflecting Snake's bullets. He swept his baton again, sweeping a wide electrical tentacle in his line of fire. Then he swung it back, sending the last clip of Snake's ammo screaming back at him. Snake collapsed in a hailmary of lethal shots that tore through his skin like paper.

In under a minute, all of the Brawlers except for one had been taken out.

The blue hedgehog stood there, glancing at his fallen comrades angrily. But his anger fell into a slight snicker, and he found himself laughing at their incompetence. The man raised a brow, but braced his baton when Sonic dropped into an attack stance, fists curled at his sides. He was laughing maniaclly, and his eyes burned a demonic blood red.

"I understand now..." Sonic hummed. Seven lights orbited him, and a crackle of energy cooked his furry into a perfect gold.

Super Sonic raced around the room, skillfully speeding over the beds and along the walls. The man was blinded by his speed, even his supertechnology was unable to keep up with the hedgehog. Super Sonic's potential unleashed, the gold-furred hedgehog met the baton with a fierce streak, colliding into the man like a flash of lightning. The man crashed into the wall, Super Sonic puncing off of him and back into the circular canvas loop he hovered along.

"You can't stop me now that I-!" Super Sonic froze. A pillar of pink was chasing him. A pair of fluffy ears, a pair of red, white-lined shoes, and a circle-plated platinum skirt that tose to her thighs extended her arms to him,

The pink hedgehog sprang from the pillar, as did more of her. Clones. Multiple clones. Too many too count. They began overflowing the room, emerging from every crevice. Out of boxes, bags, syringes, cups, from under beds, doors, knobs, spots, stains, molecules. No place was safe as Super Sonic, screaming in pure terror, was swarmed by a tidal wave of Amys that, in their unhealthy obsession, ripped the Chaos Emeralds away from him and began to peel off his fur. Sonic squirmed, begging to rescued, but was ignored as arm after arm pulled apart his arms and legs...

The man stuffed all seven chaos emeralds into his coat pocket, shaking his head in dissapointment as Sonic kicked furiously and flung his arms rapidly in every direction to escape the mirage. Satisfied, the man prepared to make his leave, but not before a THUMP turned him around. A lone Brawler, sword raised, met his gaze.

"Samuel L. Jackson, I presume." Metaknight opened his wings, preparing to dash, the man didn't flinch in the slightest.

Metaknight glided towards him, nimbly cutting overhead and connecting the tip of his weapon with Jackson's batone. The technology fizzeled, before discharging and rebounding Metaknight into the wall. He kicked off, punching Jackson and pulling off a quick manuver of rolls and ducking to avoid overkill by his baton. Jackon swung down, detonating the floor, and Metaknight with it. The warrior dashed over Mario's bed, scurrying around the room to dodge random lightning bolts from the baton. He hopped over a food table, chucking his sword into a flash of light before Jackson crouched, blood spilling from his chest.

"Tell me Metaknight." Jackson crossed a hand over his injury, "Do you enjoy videogames?"

Jackson's lips fulled a one-toothed smile as a rainbow immersed him. His body cut into sectors, each their own seperate color, before dividing and exploding. Metaknight shielded himself with his cape, but as he put it back down, there were now four Samuel L. Jacksons before him...

"STOP!!!" a voice called.

From beyond the destroyed door, three figures glared down Samuel L. Jackson, each with their arms crossed or weapons in their hands. Naruto "the calvary is here" background music played.

"We're allies of the leaf village-"

"We are shinobi-"

"Of the...wait, wrong introductiion guys!" DeDeDe hollered at Ike and Pokemon Trainer.

"Right." Ike began again, "We are the defenders of-"

"That's Voltron." Pokemon Trainer commented.

"Go Go-"

"Power Rangers?" P.T said again.

"Somebody _SAAAAAVVVEEEE_ meee!!!-"

"Smallville?" DeDeDe mumbled.

"Cha-La?"

"DBZ."

"Ohhhhhh!!!!!-"

"Spongebob Squarepants."

"Rise and...sHIne..Mr..."

"Half-Life 2."

"TEENAGE M-"

"Don't even try it."

"DAMMIT!" Ike cursed.


	7. Glitch Two

Things about this chapter:

Major CODEC Sequence, Samus is still unconscious, Metaknight's sword has been destroyed, Wario is dead, and a creature is on the loose.

* * *

Chapter Eight:  
The Character Glitch

"OUT OF THE WAY!!!!" Wario rode his swansong, The Ultimate Chimera, into the room.

Roland Cox, Shaft, Mace Windu, and Frozone (AKA Lucius Best) had barely any time to react with their magi-tech batons as the purple fusion of ultimate alchemic creation rained, or rather stomped, on them. It's ultimateness crushed every single bone in their bodies. Mace's lightsaber passed harmlessly through the chimera as it crushed him, Roland Cox became powerless as his baton was destroyed, and Frozone's freezing abilities reversed and froze him solid, leaving the Utlimate Chimera to shatter his icy coffin into millions of pieces. Not even SHAFT himself could stand up to the Chimera, though he put up the greatest fight any had ever seen by pushing BACK against it with his hands, but all the same, he was trampled and brutally killed in the process.

Wario finally stopped, vainly attempting to control the Chimera, but screamed in surprise as it bucked, rearing and throwing him off of it with extreme force. Force so extreme that he was somersaulted through the nearest window, the Ultimate Chimera followed soon afterward, knocking down the three Brawlers in front of it, to feast upon his remains that splattered against the ground like pasta. Nurses and doctors scrambled, some nurses themselves fainting from the severity of the bloodshed and dismay...

---5 Weeks Later---

Almost everyone been placed in a hospital bed.

* * *

(**Checklist Time**:  
- Wario; Currently comatose, eaten by Ultimate Chimera who's location is also unknown as of now.  
- Zero Suit Samus; Still unconscious in hospital bed, struck by lightning.  
- Pit; Injured and out of commision, impaled by own arrow.  
- Ike; Trampled by Ultimate Chimera, Out of commission.  
- P.T; Trampled by Ultimate Chimera, Unconscious.  
- Diddy Kong; Cell structuredestabilized, currently exists inside packet of water.  
- MetaKnight; Injured, Currently active.  
- Snake; Survived multiple gunshot wounds by picking out with knife and dressing, currently active.  
- Lucas; Fainted, In Hospital Bed.  
- Sonic; Currently instituted in solitary recuperation, horribly mortified by vision of murderous, demon Amys.  
- King DeDeDe; Trampled by Ultimate Chimera, Survived due to status as 'Heavyweight', currently active.)

* * *

With Wario's only remains being his abandoned Wario Chopper motorcycle and castle fortune, DeDeDe had personally made sure his wealth would "go to the proper securities", and Snake borrowed some of the Chopper's parts to help complete a tiny Otaku toy, falling back on the plan to sell the bike if the Mk.II design didn't fall through. 

Pit's debt of seven-hundred dollars anulled, the angel boy slept...well, in a hospital bed, shirt removed with a visible bandage taping the site of his chest where the arrow had struck deep. The victims of the Ultima Chimera were placed in Regeneration Pods with therapuatic mental stimulators to help mentor them during dream-sleep, while Lucas had been placed in a bed on the other side if the room. No one knew what happened to Sonic, and DeDeDe, the only one to survive the Ultimate Chimera, had ensured that they didn't want to see him. Snake shrugged off his wounds, opening the Survival Viewer and whimsingly plucking out the bullet casings with a knife professionally, with each one it appeared as if he had adapted to the pain, giving an emotionless pinch of his lips each time. Metaknight remained at Samus's side, his only TRUE injury being the loss of his sword.

Snake stepped over to the stool just behind him, sitting and watching ardently as Metaknight clutched her catatonic hand, attached to her catatonic arm, below her catatonic shoulder, beneath her resting, lifeless, pale, catatonic face. It was one of those scenes where Metaknight would have passionatly stroked her hand and her head, patiently and silently pleading she wake up under his breath, and laying a soft kiss (albeit in this case, impossible) kiss on her sleeping cheeks.

Still, knowing the dire urgency of the situtation, Snake forbid himself from going that far.

"There was a letter for you." Snake said, before slamming his palm into his ear. The CODEC frequency, 156.78, rang in his ear, but he handed Metaknight the sealed, multi-colored envelope before listening in.

Snake.

**Yeah?**

THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!

**Dammit Otacon, stop making alt frequencies. I blocked you once, I can DO IT AGAIN!**

And with that, Snake blocked Otacon from his CODEC station. Right before he could begin talking, it ran again, this time with the frequencey he knew so well as 140.96.

_Snake, do want to save your mission data?_

**Yeah...this sounds like a pretty good point to save my game.**

_Why?_

**Well...I don't know. Because the whole Newcomers team just got their asses handed to them by some actor's four roles? You called me, as a matter of fact, how do you always know when you need to save my game?**

_I don't know, YOU'RE the one who dials my frequency on daily occassion, just to NOT save and then get me caught up in discussion about movies._

**Hey, YOU'RE the one who starts it. I thought you LIKED telling me stories about the world the country keeps me from.**

_Yes, I do Snake. But you HAVE to pick your times. You woke me up at 4AM, you made me late for my CQC Practice, you even forced me to tell you a story while I was using the bathroom!_

**Yea yea, rada rada...**

_Snake, you-_

**Hey, I've got enough people in this damn universe who call me that and make me swear every ten lines of dialogue I speak. Don't you start calling me the "p" word too.**

_HMPH!_

Mei Ling logged out of the chat. 140.15, Meryl, and 140.32, Deepthroat, signed into the chat.

Lol. Deepthroat.

**Real mature Meryl, what do you want?**

WELL Mr. Tough Guy, you haven't called me in weeks, I was starting to get worried.

**You know, most nuclear girlfriends tend to get more concerned and hysterical after 2 DAYS?**

I'll ignore that for now and tranq you later.

**I've been busy. This Nintendo job has me occupied. Explosions, Samuel L. Jackson, and some pinata-colored animal with the ability to Death Touch people. It's all kinds of crazy shit up here. How's Philanthropy going? If Otacon's giving you hell-**

Good actually. Without you, Otacon's been giving me and Jaeger more missions.

**WHAT!?**

You remember? Gray Fox? Johnny Sasaki found him? Oh yeah, Otacon was supposed to tell you, he's part of the team now.

**QE!?**

Yea, he's been pretty beneficial. Says that without having to live under the "superiority" of the great Solid Snake of Outer Heaven, he can fire a gun and actually hit something. I may have been tired, but I could have sworn I saw one of his shots go through a wall once and peg six other guys.

**ZA!?!**

By this point, Snake was squirming and twitching on the floor, thumb soaked in his mouth.

I can predict you're probably on the floor right now seeing as how Otacon didn't fill you in earlier so I'll explain: We recovered Gray Fox's body a couple of months ago, he was frozen in a chamber near the New York Harbor. After him, Sasaki joined us, and together we successfully infiltrated, captured, and implemented the U.S Tanker holding a new Metal Gear Amphibious Model, RAY. We've also rescued the President, stopped a suicidal bomber, defeated Dead Cell, and stopped the creation of GW, an artificial intelligence designed to pilot a Metal Gear Network.

Snake's eyes resembled those of Metal Gear Awesome (if you know what I mean).

If ANY of this is getting through to you, the big picture is, we've been doing peachy since you left. Like some hardcore gamer in the sky turned the difficulty down or something. Oh...and um...we sorta..kinda had to use your identity so we could hoist a new member to our team out of jail. His name's Raiden, he's a real nice guy and he's quite the athelete. So uh...yeah...be prepared in case any Metal Gears or ninjas show up...

MERYL, PLEASE GIVE ME A HANDJOB

Shut up you old perv.

PLEASE, I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN OVER 1000 YEARS!!!!

Go away. I'm blocking you.

YOU CANNOT BLOCK THE MAN WHO HAS BEEN STALKING YOU SINCE YOUR BIRTH!!!

Oh my god...Snake, talk to you later.

Meryl signed out. Snake, still in shock and cradeled in fetal position, finally signed out of the CODEC himself two minutes later.

"Are you alright." Metaknight asked, slapping Snake out of his work-induced trance.

He stood, shaking and unwrapping his headband. All of the weapons tied to his underpants belt packs dropped their ammo counters to zero, and boxes of guns and attachments flew from his waist. He kicked them all under beds, tables, and other objects.

"So what was the letter about?"

Metaknight pointed to the strange, red plant with a green hair above two white circles and a pair of black beads on them on the brken seal of the letter. The letter itself read:

_Dear The Recipient Of This Letter;_

_I have crashed hopefully not too far from where this letter has traveled. I am a member of Hocotate Freight of Planet Hocotate, Captain Olimar of the U.S.S Dolphin. I am currently running low on food supplies, though this is less important than the true issue that is: methane. Methane deposits are extremely limited on this planet, and I currently possess less than seventy days to refuel or repair my ship and escape this planet's atmosphere or I will perish. My location, as my computer describes, is an area called the 'Wistful Wild', and it is populated with dangerous creatures much bigger than me..._

"Rada Rada. Rescue me." Snake read on, turning the letter back over to Metaknight, "Any clue who sent it?"

The Metaknight (?) examined the letter's seal, "This creature resembles a videogame I once played, something with a 'P'. Some unknown force went out of it's way to ensure this letter reached us, and it's date of origin is six days prior to today. We may have a chance to-"

"We're going to Wistful Wilds..." Snake grunted, slipping on his FOXHOUND suit, "Lucky for you, I've tracked down Metal Gears in that area before and know what's what there. Oh...and despite what you might think of me, don't try eating ANY of the vegetation or killing the animals for food. Kill ONLY the hostile wildlife."

"WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT WILDY?" DeDeDe barged into the conversation.

"IF THERE'S TREASURE INVOLVED I WANNA KNOW!!!!"

Metaknight's "eye" twitched in irritation, "Listen, if you want to come along, please digest this pill." He handed DeDeDe a blue pill, which he promptly threw at a sleeping Mario.

"HELL NO!!! I'VE SEEN THE MATRIX!!! GIVE ME THE RED PILL!!!!!"

Metaknight did so, and DeDeDe swallowed it.

"OKAY. LeT's go...OKay so LEt's get...going?" DeDeDe's vocabulary tamed to a calmer, less blatant room voice.

As the trio exited the hospital and took off on the Tri-Modded W-Chopper, a nurse wearing a pink uniform stepped inside. Her creamy, blonde hair flowed back below her shoulders and to her back as she removed the headcap gripping it, she moved silently and quietly as she approached Mario, who ever so faintly, began to stir from her presensce.

The woman laid a soft kiss on his forehead, whispering inaudible words into his earlobe which his mustache promptly sniffled at. A wisping sound emerged from outside, and the nurse properly rummaged her headcap on, taking one last, thoughtful glance at the bedridden plumber before leaving, hurrying about the building as the speakers began announcing the day's aroma therapy...

And ten seconds later, a giant machine with more weapons than a GTA game busted through the ceiling, a classic Godzilla cry roaring through it's mechanical voice box...


	8. The Dark Prince Returns

Chapter Nine:  
The Dark Prince Returns

* * *

The Wario Chopper, all three of it's reverent passengers (with Metaknight driving of course; DeDeDe was too fat, and Snake had no experience with motorcycle scenes...YES it makes sense!) in their right positions, drag-raced through Wistful Wild.

Crazy enough, it had decided to rain that day, giving everything a mystically remote appearance and forcing much of the wildlifei nto the underground caverns and under giant, unnaturally over-sized leaves. Snake had no true explanation for this, _the Wistful Wilds NEVER had rain_, he had said full-tonguedly, the truth pouring out of him. What had caused the sudden rainstorm?

It was only a matter of minutes before the tires sqeualed in agony, the mud choking them in a trench of soggy, decomposing gravel softened by surpluses of rainwater and sediment flooded by overflowed lakes and streams. Mushroom pads squeaked as numerous shrooms had been unhinged from the earth, used by the wood's smallest creatures as lilipads to traverse the dark, rain-clothed landscape. Metaknight retained silence as his body was halfway drowned in the water, he flapped between steps to pull himself up until Snake finally lifted him, placing the begrudged Star Warrior on the safe end of DeDeDe's Jet Hammer.

He couldn't possessedly tell, but Snake estimated a rough forty-three miles of woodland before they would reach the intended cooardinates. So they trekked on through mud, bark, melted earth, and dissembler rows of trees and "unclimable" cliffs.

Metaknight didn't shed such information with them, but the distinct feeling that something was following them bothered him.

An individual flame rose into the rain showers, fighting to retain it's brilliant signal for passing hikers or equally lost ones. DeDeDe, tuckered out both from carrying Metaknight and walking all that way, pointed towards the flame, pulling the entire group westward. Spirits of wind manifested, blowing them all left and right and farther from their goal. It subsided, but left a certain masked knight bewildered. He raised _Master's Apprentice_, a spiritual successor to the previous blade, and studied the outer woods.

_SPRA-KLANSH!_

Apprentice's silver polish met the finish end of another, rebounding and curving as Metaknight rushed it forward, stabbing in to the air. A cruel, sinister laugh greeted him, and Metaknight lunged off of DeDeDe's Jet Hammer. Two appropriate splashes twirled him around, both DeDeDe and Snake fell face-first into the ocean of muddy water, unconscious.

"Now that those two are gone." the voice crackled against Metaknight's facemask, smacking against his cape in an almost omniscent, boom of sound, "I believe we can properly discuss the terms of avengilant misjustice to you."

"Who are you?" Metaknight held Apprentice close, studying every visible inanimate object in the area in a full 360' circle.

A figure exited the capes of shadow embracing him; A male, noticeable barely through the showers of night rain but still obvious with dark skin, odd in contrast to his distinctly blood cherry hair that gave away his presence except for the dark magic that had him from the Star Warrior's senses for so long. His shoulders glimmered with golden pauldrons, a cape flowed behind a royal dress and numerous armor attachments, purposely fitted to dictate his true status. In his right hand was a sword, entrusted with tombs of power that Metaknight could see sparkling together wildly, and in te right, a fissuring, negative energy that manifested as a purple poison, certain to lethalize upon contact. He braced himself...

For Metaknight was now facing the legendary, feared, Demon Ganondorf himself...

xxxx

"The reader shouldn't haven't expected a cliffhanger there. We've barely finished this chaper, wouldn't you say Metaknight?" Ganondorf invisibly mocked him under unknown pretenses.

Metaknight razored, "How are you able to see past the fourth wall? Why have you sealed us inside this toxin wall?"

"Observant eye," Ganon nodded proudly, "You truly are the brightest of the newcomers."

"But you seem not to question why it is that I AM here."

"I don't need to know why Hell spat you out, I just need to know how to turn your mangled corpse into a cinnamon bun."

"It seems...the author's horrible sense of comedy is delving into your mind."

"DON'T LOSE YOUR SIGHT, METAKNIGHT!"

**(-PAUSE- I'm sorry for interrupting the chapter, but I swear, that was fucking brilliant. Xd. But in all seriousness, despite me ruining that, you have to imagine Ganondorf speaking in a truly SERIOUS, LOUD voice, like a samurai flick with one of thosse student-mentor kind of moments.)**

**(Pit: Shut up and continue the story, please? -UNPAUSE-)**

"How am I supposed to win this battle, Ganondorf? It's eleven against one, and so far EIGHT of those eleven have been hospitalized, and the remaining two excluding me have been incapacitated. The Author is too powerful..."

Ganon chortled, his raspy, older voice showing indefinitly, "You're giving up so easily? What happened to your resolve!?"

"Zero Suit Samus was the only other one to recognize the Fourth Wall that imprisons us and controls our fates."

"So you WEREN'T paying attention?"Ganon noted skeptically, or rather jokingly. Metaknight burrowed daggers of confusion into Ganondorf's arm, and he nodded in achknowledgement of this.

"Sonic Hedgehog also displayed a talent for seeing beyond the Fourth Wall. He triggered his Super form without use of the true Chaos Emeralds which lie buried far away in his TRUE UNIVERSE, instead somehow SUMMONING the power of the originals. And although he DID succumb, for that very brief instant, Super Sonic was at a power level equal to your own."

"You mean--?"

"Yes, at the expense of us being attacked by a meme reference-

Ganon shifted, drawing his own sword, _Twilight_, and bracing himself.

_SWAPE_!

He sliced behind him, hacking apart the misintroduced man with glowing, orange-yellow helmet hair.

"I fear he was over 9000!" Ganon repeated that line to himself mentally, and then mentally crotch-kicked himself upon reliance of it's sheer lameness.

"I fear I may have attracted a few more...unwelcomers than anticipated through the MemeCry." Ganon turned, pacing off into the darkness. He stopped and threw something over his shoulder, landing right in front of the still battle-born Metaknight.

"Use it well. I will pull away the Z-Heads while you continue your mission." were the last words that echoed through the darkness, as was the darkness fading into an evaopration of sunlight and dew.

It was as if the entire storm had cleared up; Uncountable rows of flowers, bulbs, fruits, and fauna suddenly popped up, due from the overbearing showers of the previous "night". Orbids and jinklers, rainy-antogids and mirvaculous sprinkders jittered and populated the vast forest, Ganon's trail of darkness supposedly having summoned away the Author's threats. Metaknight tried to breath willfully, but felt no pure oxygen clear him for secure maintenance. He was nervous, gripping the object in his hands.

"Yyyyaawwhh...What's that, Meta?" DeDeDe yawned, staring at the pecuilar, oversized **A** in his hands.

"Nothing. Just more HS junk." Metaknight stuffed it behind him into hammerspace. DeDeDe shrugged, watching as Snake woke up from his slumber. Only the FOXHOUND member was shivering and jumping in antics untold, DeDeDe readied himself to bash him over the head, but Metaknight stopped him.

"Take it you didn't sleep well?"

"I don't know WHAT THE HELL IT WAS," Snake tried to explain, "But there was this old man with cracked glasses and...OH GOD...I...I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN IT!?"

"Woah, woah. You don't have to tell us, kiddo."

This phrase alone sobered Snake, "Do you NOT see the Five O' Clock Shadow?"

"Let's keep moving." Metaknight commanded, walking away into a clearer path, fumbling the giant **A** in his hands as if it were an anime-styled boomerang of sorts. It was heavy, to say the least, but the sole fact that he now possessed the unawakened **A** key was more than enough to finish another fun, plot-raping chapter.

_This would be a good cliffhanger_, he thought, _good enough_.


	9. Irreversable

Chapter Ten:  
The New Format

* * *

-**Brawl Mansion; 3:00 AM**-

Oh, where was Brawl Mansion now?

With no one to care for it, and no super villain who wished to claim it, it would seem the house has prepared to commit suicide, waiting for the right moment to POLTERGEIST the next, unlucky soul that dared to tread upon it's FORMER masters...treads.

* * *

-**A Place Far Far Away**-

"He has obtained the first **A** key."

"We must retrieve it while it is still unawakened. Metaknight will become to powerful if we let him live."

"We've already deployed Noud.e-PROJECT II to Smashville. The "palette-swap" is now in our custody, and her sibling will soon join us as well."

"It would seem, that monotonous as it sounds, we are being led on a goose chase."

"You don't mean...him? Ganon?"

"Ganondorf. You are corrected, it would seem...he'd being leading his forces against us. The Hand Masters appear to be suspicously mumur on the affair, we've not had word from them since Ro'Thur sent the last messenger to them."

"The strings of audit are breaking." a hearted voice birched into the conversation, "And if we are to maintain the security of this fanfiction, we must keep Ganon AND all of his puppets tied firmly. Please...escort me to the Character Chamber. I believe it is time for...us to revive an old, friend."

"You can't possibly mean...?...!"

"!!"

"!!"

"Yes..." the voice answered, reaching for purpose, "It is time to..decimate...the continuity..."

"We've already alloted enough misdirection. Samuel L. Jackson failed in his attack, and because of this we have not only extracted 3.3 million on damages and restructure, but we've lost one of our assets, The Ultimate Chimera, which is now loose and beyond our control. We of the Council find that any further introspection is UN0"

"I feel that..." the voice shattered, "...those of...t...the Council...l...have no more choice, than I...in ma..matters approaching."

"Cease old man, you're health is in bad condition at best."

"Sillion, I fear that your..."assets" have asertified their true hold on you...without even your own knowledge."

"_..._"

"Please...escort me...to the Character Chamber."

Pockets of fresh air, sockets of numbness and raging thumbs of heat decorated the Character Chamber. No description would it wear, a man of disfigured omnipotence awakened, stirring to the fiery pits of cold, unadulterated flesh that now covered him.

He was mortal once again...

* * *

-**Wistful Wild; Time Unknown**-

_Tribal Year -42A  
Official Date Unknown  
TSA Unknown  
Location Unknown  
Status of Facial Hair_

...Metaknight rubbed the surface of his iron-metal mask, and sighed.

_Unknown_.

"Enough with the drama Metaknight, you're worse than Knuckle Joe-"

"What, I can't have a sense of-" He paused.

Metaknight threw Apprentice, pinning the oncoming flashback to the bark of a tree. It shriveled and fizzed into nothingness, and was invisible before DeDeDe could see where or why Apprentice had been thrown.

"Guys...we're here." Snake announced, pointing.

A giant ship rested on the soil, three seperate wings curved and pinned to the ground, holding up the entire ship. The name "S.S Dolphin was enscribed on the side in bolded lettering, justedly worn away from what could be presumed as weeks of age.

Metaknight plucked Apprentice from the tree and the falling flashback's corpse, then glided upward ahead of DeDeDe and Snake to examine the ship. Hundreds of thouands of dents and gaps exised in it's hull, shoddy craftmenship only complimented the poorness of this "aircraft", and Metaknight could barely coax himself from metaphorically laughing at it's pilot.

"So where is this guy?" DeDeDe asked in a normal voice, pounding his jet hammer to the ground like a cane.

Metaknight feathered, "I don't know. But this 'S.S Dolphin is the ship the letter's writer mentioned. We are either here, or terrifyingly close to his or her location."

"Hey...Metaknight?" Snake whispered, courching to the Star Warrior's shoulder height, "I've been meaning to ask you..."

"If it's about Samus."

"No. Not that. I was going to ask, since WHEN were you able to talk?" Snake made a mimicking circle motion with his finger, marking the metal faceplated that covered the Warrior's face. Metaknight shifted and didn't answer, nearing the ship for further examination.

"What's this...?" DeDeDe called to them, rubbing the dirt off a rectangular object in his hands.

"Kill...Kill...The Emp..."

"Guys, over here." DeDeDe dropped the object to the ground and rushed over with Snake.

Metaknight was perched atop one of the side wings, peering in through one of the orbular port windows. Insaide he spotted a man with a red ball hanging over his head, which was cased inside of a virocurno-glass helmt. Linked up that was an explorer's suit, plastered with mud and ornaments from the ground, painting around the beige-coloring that made up his suit. A single hair thinned above the man's bald head, and his nose was round and snuffy, certain with some sort of illness.

Beside him were small, red and blue creatures with buds sprouting from their heads, some sprouted leaves and others, most rarely, had full aromiated flowers. The gender was virtually impossible, but through rank and power color made a difference. It was hard to see, but he noticed a few purple and blue creatures inside also, holding cards and running about a small table.

The man spotted the dark, caped figure panned in the outer window.

Metaknight leapt off the ship's side, swinging along the air currents as the bald man scrambled to pull his cohorts and/or fellows into a rally, forming a single-file line that dashed outside of the ship with him. DeDeDe and Snake took up defensive positions as Metaknight stood ahead of them.

A small man in some kind of astronaut suit approached them, a red ball of light floating over his head and dangling down from an invisible wire. His bloated, rosy nose was nothing in comparison with the even SMALLER creatures aside and behind him, teir beady eyes examined the three strangers and marveled their size. Only the one in the center was accustom to them, the other two were even bigger than the Master.

More of these red, leg-adapted creatures arrived. A large circle of multiple colors: Yellow, Blue, Purple, White, and some strange creature with an ovular body, two stumpy legs, and fangs accompanied by bigger, globbish eyes. More and more arrived, Snake and Metaknight were assured on at least 30 and growing with the sudden arrival of...

Creatures, odder than the previous though far less disturbing than the ribosome, upright creatures, with gian mushrooms fitted on top of their heads where the numerous others possessed stems with leaves or flowers on them.  
Their skin was a far lighter, sickening tone than the other Purples, and curioser still, the creatures AND the small man were backing away from them. Into a small, huddled circle around the trio as though they were protecting them (Metaknight, Snake, and DeDeDe if you're keeping up with this).

These creatures amassed into a VASTLY wider, and more dense than the previous. Their movements resembled zombies in the strange, pecuilar "gait" and awkward non-blinking motions, their sagging arms and curled leg joints. Sure, they appeared physically frail, but there were FAR more of them, and surrounding them quickly. There was no intention of stopping.


End file.
